Cheguei à pouco a casa, tive um dia mais ou menos tranquilo. Estou por casa com uma máscara de alperces na cara a pensar silenciosamente, nos episódios da minha vida.. com o cheirinho frutado a estimular-me a mente. Alguma vez vos passou pela cabeça se as pessoas têm a mesma percepção da vossa pessoa, como vocês a querem transmitir? Eu penso bastante nisso. Por exemplo quando me dizem
(e acreditem que é coisa que sou capaz de ouvir umas quantas vezes por semana!) que sou muito héctica,
acelerada, stressada, despassarada.. isto por vezes intriga-me um pouco, porque me dá a sensação que não estou bem em sintonia com o que sinto no interior e como exteriorizo isso. Digamos que sim, gosto de executar as coisas com alguma brevidade, também confesso que gosto de ver resultados imediatos, coisa que obviamente nem sempre é possível. Mas se no fundo, lá bem no fundo eu me sinto bem comigo mesma e sinto-me equilibrada, talvez nem sempre seja isso que transpareça. Já houveram alturas que exageradamente falado, me sentia quase como Alvaro Campos em pessoa (feminina claro!) Em que queria viver tudo o que havia por viver e experiênciar tudo isto num curto espaço de tempo possível. Coisas de quando somos adolescentes provenientes de todo um oscilar duma montanha russa de estimulos descontrolados. Talvez o tal aceleramento de que tanta gente fala tenha ficado um pouco cravado na minha expressão física.., mas sinceramente não sou da opinião que seja uma caracteristica que tenha das mais marcantes, talvez seja das coisas mais facilmente detectáveis (derivado ao ritmo em como levo as coisas).. agora sentir-me assim, não faz parte de mim.
Penso que isto com os anos se vá encaixando. Pelo menos noto um diferença de dia para a noite de como era antes e como sou agora. Sempre fui uma miúda com alguma "esnica".. , quando era nova. À medida que os anos foram passando as coisas foram acalmando. É bizarro na mesma esta desconexão no entanto quem sai os seus não degenera, não é verdade? E conhecendo a minha rica querida mãe, é mais que óbvio que é uma característica que fui buscar a ela :).
I arrived at home a while ago, after a peaceful day. I´m sitting here with a fruitmask on my face..thinking in silence about some episodes of my life.. the fruity smell stimulating my mind. Have anyone of you ever think about how the perception of other people about yourself is and if it´s in syntony with that what you really are as a person?
I think about it a lot, because a hear really often (and by that I mean a couple times a week) that I´m a stressful, hectic and accelarated person..sometimes I get confused by this, because that is not the way I feel in the inside and I recognized that I´m not in syntony with what I´m feeling and how it cames out. A couple of things honestly are true, I confess that I like doing things quickly and want to see as far as possible results, although I know that sometimes it´s not possible. But deep inside I´m good with myself I feel balanced, but like I said before, that´s not how some people react to it. There were periods in time where I, and now I might be exaggerating, I felt like I was in person Alvaro Campos (as a feminin version of course!) For those ones who could not know what kind of character that is, try to search the portuguese author Fernando Pessoa, that might be a help to understand better what I´m talking about. But comming back to what I was explaining.. in this period I felt like I had to live all the experiences as far as possible to live pretty much against the time. Kind of an abstract way explaining this.. Things we as adoloscents origineted by all these roller coaster of uncontroled estimules. Perhaps the accelaration that people mentioned is connected to this phase in my life and was spiked in my physical expression.., but I really do not recognized me like that, this is not part of who I am. After the years it might be fixed anyway..I do see now a big difference of who I was and how I am now..it´s weird but I see some connection to my mom, she´s kind of accelerated,too. Genetic is not always given in the physical way I guess :).
I arrived at home a while ago, after a peaceful day. I´m sitting here with a fruitmask on my face..thinking in silence about some episodes of my life.. the fruity smell stimulating my mind. Have anyone of you ever think about how the perception of other people about yourself is and if it´s in syntony with that what you really are as a person?
I think about it a lot, because a hear really often (and by that I mean a couple times a week) that I´m a stressful, hectic and accelarated person..sometimes I get confused by this, because that is not the way I feel in the inside and I recognized that I´m not in syntony with what I´m feeling and how it cames out. A couple of things honestly are true, I confess that I like doing things quickly and want to see as far as possible results, although I know that sometimes it´s not possible. But deep inside I´m good with myself I feel balanced, but like I said before, that´s not how some people react to it. There were periods in time where I, and now I might be exaggerating, I felt like I was in person Alvaro Campos (as a feminin version of course!) For those ones who could not know what kind of character that is, try to search the portuguese author Fernando Pessoa, that might be a help to understand better what I´m talking about. But comming back to what I was explaining.. in this period I felt like I had to live all the experiences as far as possible to live pretty much against the time. Kind of an abstract way explaining this.. Things we as adoloscents origineted by all these roller coaster of uncontroled estimules. Perhaps the accelaration that people mentioned is connected to this phase in my life and was spiked in my physical expression.., but I really do not recognized me like that, this is not part of who I am. After the years it might be fixed anyway..I do see now a big difference of who I was and how I am now..it´s weird but I see some connection to my mom, she´s kind of accelerated,too. Genetic is not always given in the physical way I guess :).
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| When I look at me I can´t understand myself - Álvaro Campos |
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